Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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