be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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