sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
