Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
