I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
