We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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