Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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