Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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