I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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