my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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