were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
