Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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