well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well I just put wine in my tea
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
don't judge my taste in strippers
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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