i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
