So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
