elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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