I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
