I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
