I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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