My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
