It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize