Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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