i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
there is glitter all over my balls
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