So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
