last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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