She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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