but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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