Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
