Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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