Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am available for nakedness
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
