i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
