i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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