arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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