somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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