My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
