She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
