your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
