i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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