how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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