The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
