Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
