Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
