You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Soap is not a condiment
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
