I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
