I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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