so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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