just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
