JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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