i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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