So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
