Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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