At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
