She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
