I hate your face
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
