I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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