dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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