my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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