is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
