saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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