the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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