Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
