i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
