I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
