This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
