Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
