I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
