I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
