im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
