I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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