Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
