I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
