is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
