i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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