I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
